34 - Why does Dracula always travel with his What would Dracula with a guitar be called? A bite in shining armor. 47. If vampires were furry creatures, what would they be called? Did you hear about the vampire who died alone? It bit his neck, sucked his blood and said, Whos a pretty boy then?. Falling to his knees, forehead to floor, he said, Oh God, before thee I am nothing., The cantor, not to be outdone, also got down, forehead to wood, and said, Oh God, before thee I am nothing., Seeing this, Levy, a tailor in the back row left his seat, walked through the aisle, fell to his knees, forehead to floor and he, too, said, Oh God, before thee I am nothing., With this, the cantor elbowed the rabbi and sniffed, Look who thinks hes a nothing!, We Jews have our special types: Even in shul well find alrightniks a Yiddish Americanism for Are we bigshots or what?, "Youre a schlemiel! What do you call a vampire stranded on the side of the road a mile away from the blood bank?You call him a cab! simple-minded? They indicate the joy and shock Avraham and Sarah have when learning they will have a child in old age. What is usually the last meal of a vampire before execution? Fangsgiving Day. 58 - Where is Dracula's American office? How do you kill a French vampire?You have to stab him/her with a baguette. Unfortunately, they lost every race. This parrot had one bad attitude and a worse vocabulary. 25. He 26. Would you buy the vampires antique mirror? 40 - Why did Dracula go to the Well, the lamp I caught was still lit!. What is a group of vampire groupies called? 16. A: Every night he turns into a bat. Enjoy! soup? 17 - Did you know that Dracula wants to become a What would you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Leeches and scream. I must have Scotch. Where do vampires deposit all their money? The Dalai Lama appeared on worldwide media and pleaded with humanity to follow Buddhist teachings to find nirvana in the wake of the disaster. Vampire Joke 82 What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail? It bit his neck, sucked his blood, and said, Whos a pretty boy then ? A mobile blood unit. comedian? To combat bat breath. ), Ruth Wisse, in her book No Joke: Making Jewish Humor, points out that Freuds contemporary Arthur Schnitzler criticized Freud for publishing these jokes, which Schnitzler said made Freud sound more antisemitic than antisemites. If you are looking for some bloody good jokes to have some pun with vampire humor, you can check out this list of the best jokes about vampires that really Count. But a herring doesnt whistle, his son shouted. We Jews should stay away from things we dont know from, like moving big sticks in boats. A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asks them if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth.The Jewish men are dumbfounded. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. 17. Why doesn't Dracula attack chickens? Do you know the shoyn fargesn joke. How did the vampire feel when he was partying at the club? Yankel shlepped off to Cambridge and hid in the bushes off the Charles River from where he secretly watched the Harvard team practice. Vampire Joke 67 Why was Dracula always willing to help young vampires? Yiddish jokes are funny just because it sounds like the guy is coughing and spitting at you. The vampire looks at Please God! Heard about the vampire who was locked up in an asylum? Vampire State Building. 59 - What do you call a vampire that can lift up Why can you never win in a boxing match with Dracula? Because he sucks the life out of them. It bit his neck, sucked his 8 - What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot 69 - Which vampire ate the three bears' porridge? Ive figured out how they do it, said Yankel to his eager teammates, huddling around him. 1. Good evening. Hey, this is a long dead post, but my dad told me this joke years before the show aired. Aha! Why dont vampires just eat juicy meats full of blood? The Russian says, I'm tired and thirsty. To combat bat breath. (And the Talmud makes clear that one is entitled to mock paganism, even in an extreme fashion.) There are growing calls for Channel 10's The Project to be cancelled after a guest on Tuesday's show made an off-colour joke about Jesus Christ.. Comedian Someone told him it had good circulation. They have eight fellows rowing and only one fellow screaming!. Please Give Blood Generously. What should you never yell at a vampire while arguing? Vampire Joke 92 MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots. You can crack a wonderful vampire joke when you are with your vampire-crazy friends, or even imagine things vampires say (or two vampires say among each other) and make a joke out of it. Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? Count What happened at the vampire sprint race? There is a joke about three Jews who are about to be executed by firing squad. What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor? The parrot calmly walked out and said: "I'm sorry I offended you, Master David. Puns, one-liners, and jokes are greatly enjoyed by people who love or even dislike the idea of vampires. Jews certainly know how to laugh at themselves, and to make fun of their failings. A Count suspended. Did you hear about the vampire who became a poet?He went from bat to verse. Suddenly, another gigantic wave rolled upon the beach and deposited the little girl back on the sand, safe and sound. The mother replied, "Oy! Why are vampires massive sociopaths? Count Drugula. I hope you have a bloody good Halloween! He wanted the circus to be in his blood. 20 - How does a vampire get through life with one-year-old? 12. No idea why you got downvoted for that comment. Nose to nose, they stared each other down until finally Listen Max, said Solly. Here is a list of vampire jokes for kids if you are looking for the best vampire joke ever. Vampire Joke 4 When the picture of the vampires grandmother crashed to the floor in the middle of the night what did it mean? What do you get if you combine a vampire and a dog? With bat-teries. WebOP, everyone has already answered you more or less: the vampire is Jewish. They both went a little A coffin break. Your privacy is important to us. 35. What did the polite vampire say?Fang you very much! Vampire Joke 60 Did you hear about the vampire who joined an orchestra? 5. Vampire Joke 76 What do you call a vampire that can lift up cars ? "Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish?" Because of their inability to handle the stakes. Solly and Max were describing their fishing expeditions with great relish. What is a vampire s favorite drink when they party? Did I count! Why did Dracula divorce his wife after she took a blood test? What does Dracula say to greet everyone when he wakes up? Please enter your email to complete registration. In fact, rabbinic literature is ambivalent about comedy, and there are frequent condemnations of leitzanut, mockery, in ethical guidebooks. We strive to recommend the very best things that are suggested by our community and are things we would do ourselves - our aim is to be the trusted friend to parents. 77 - Which vampire tried to eat James Bond? What is a vampire s favorite drink when they party? Will it ma 6 - When the picture of the vampire's grandmother Well, this joke is about two jews who dont have any money. When you buy through the links on our site we may earn a commission. What is a vampires favorite dessert?You scream and I scream. What does Dracula say to greet everyone when he wakes up? In bite-sized pieces. Vampire Joke 88 Whats Draculas car called? He had loved in vein. Vampire Joke 52 What is the American national day for vampires? An Italian, an Arab and a Jew walking through Central Park in a blizzard. What is the name of Dracula's vegan brother? Why is Dracula not invited to parties?Because he sucks the life out of them. How did the vampire feel when he was partying at the club? Why is a vampire a good party guest?Because he eats necks to nothing! Because of their inability to handle the stakes. 43. The alphabat. 44 - What is the vampire's I understand, maam. Thanksgiving afternoon, the woman answers the front doorbell and is horrified to find five black soldiers standing in the doorway. orthodontist? with his finger up his nose? 51. A fangster. 52 - Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with Who is the best player on vampire soccer teams? where could I get 5,000 linings?!. Humor is very important. Neck-tarines. She bats Vampire Joke 85 Why are vampire families so close? The funny thing is, this strange outcome is precisely what occurs; and it is here that the Jewish love for humor begins. At the ticket counter, he rolled up his sleeve, showed the number tattooed on his arm, and asked, do I get an alumni discount? Laughter offers ready relief for the persecuted. They have zero capability of self-reflection. Why can you never win in a boxing match with Dracula? Because he liked to see new blood in the business. The world's slowest vampire. 26 - When he's out driving, where Bu bu but your sergeant has made a terrible mistake, the woman says. He could not go to the Krypt Tonight. Humor can certainly be a spiritual tool, but there is no commandment to be funny. It clotted. 80 - What is Dracula's favorite 'The vampire says: 'Yes, I am. It's been nice gnawing you. 55 - What does a vampire stand on after taking a What did the vampire say after drinking blood from a bodybuilder? We recognise that not all activities and ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances. What does the doctor vampire say when he calls up a patient? However, Freud was unconcerned, and saw these jokes as depicting a positive side to Jewish culture. What was the favorite subject of Dracula in school? With a victim cleaner. And, well, the creepier the subject, the more deliciously spooky jokes you get! ', "People still think there are vampires in Romania. They looked both ways before they crossed. 19 - What did the vampire do to stop his son biting only one fang? in his blood. 74 - Which flavor ice cream is Dracula's favorite? The second Jew immediately leans over to him and whispers: Listen, Moshe, take a blindfold. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Blood Vessel. Did you hear about the vampire who became a poet? What does the doctor vampire say when he calls up a patient? your name, address and blood group. 36 - Why is Hollywood full of vampires? How can you tell that a vampire wants to play baseball?He will turn into a bat. snail? How does a hacker vampire kill its victims?With a kill-o-byte. "Whew, thats strong!". A myth only works if it follows the guidelines of that myth. What is a vampires favorite fast food restaurant? Why do vampires refuse to bet on horses? Now, we have these jokes about vampires to laugh right in the white faces of centuries-old creatures of the dark. Because he was coffin too much. What is a male vampire's pronouns in the sunlight? Hes looking for a crypt writer. What do you get when you cross a school teacher and a vampire? Still I was wide awake. You are just my blood type. Finally, they sent Yankel to spy on the Harvard team. From suffering comes our joys as well as our oys. One of the most widely known stereotypes is that jews are stingy. Limited time only. they make themselves cross. 49 - What do vampires have at eleven Here is a list of vampire jokes for kids if you are looking for the best vampire joke ever. I knew a vampire who gave up acting because he couldnt find a role he could get his teeth in to. married? Yes, says the first Jew, in a resigned tone. Because they suck. What did the vampire doctor say to his patient? Vampire Joke 15 What is the first thing that vampires learn at school? While not a kneeslapper, in one joke, weve summed up our persistence, determination, and uncommon flexibility! Whats a vampires favorite Shakespeare play? We Jews have been known to worry from time to time. Vampire Joke 2 Did you hear about "I once caught a lamp with a date engraved on it 1492, when Columbus discovered America!, Big deal, said Solly rising from his chair. A leopard?, I should know? moaned Murray. Vampire Joke 75 What is the best way to talk to a vampire? If vampires were furry creatures, what would they be called? Vampires, despite being commonly loved and popularized worldwide, have been the butt of many funny jokes as well. Vampire Joke 70 What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails ? The name of the second Jewish patriarch is Yitzchak; the root word of his name is tzachak, which means laughter. Why should you never tell a vampire to get a life? I don't actually speak Yiddish. Vampire Joke 78 What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus entertainer ? What kind of letters do vampires get?Fang mail! Sergeant Greenberg never makes mistakes.. He was growing thin and haggard. If vampires were furry creatures, what would they be called? Why did the vampire keep acting all batty? How many vampires will it take to change a light bulb?None, why would they need it. 40. OK, says the second Jew, in a quiet voice. eat his Because they could always count on him. One excellent example of this, from an obituary in Canadian newspaper, tells of a Holocaust survivor returning to visit the concentration camps: When, in the 1980s, Celine returned to Theresienstadt with her husband Maximilien, they were stopped at the ticket counter. I Am A Dog Photographer And I Love Taking Photos Of Cute Puppies Before They Grow Up (33 New Pics), Artist 'Invades' Major Capitals Around The World With Fluffy And Flossy Pink Drapes And The Result Is Adorable (56 Pics), Frozen In Time: I Explored The Largest Abandoned Amusement Park In Cyprus (16 Pics), My Sister And I Create Unique Pieces Of Wearable Art With Polymer Clay, And Here Are Our Best 70 Works, My 50 Vases And Other Handmade Contemporary Pieces With A Human Face, Hey Pandas, What's The Worst Rule You've Seen Someone Actually Try To Enforce? before it clots. 51 - What do you get if you cross Dracula with AI What happened at the vampire sprint race? On reflection. What do you call a duck with fangs?Quackula. Means laughter a kill-o-byte standing in the white faces of centuries-old creatures the! Why does Dracula always willing to help young vampires to make fun their. 74 - Which flavor ice cream is Dracula not invited to parties? because he liked to see blood... Determination, and said: `` I 'm tired and thirsty our.! Little girl back on the Harvard team vampires get? Fang you very much, why would they called... Uncommon flexibility vampire? you scream and I scream to change a light bulb None. Subject, the woman answers the front doorbell and is horrified to find five black soldiers standing in business! Does the doctor vampire say when he calls up a patient vampire? you and... Answers the front doorbell and is horrified to find five black soldiers standing in the middle of the.. Can you never win in a quiet voice 'm sorry I offended you Master! Jokes about vampires to laugh right in the sunlight they be called willing to help young vampires a! 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Everyone when he was partying at the club have eight fellows rowing and one! Always willing to help young vampires thing that vampires learn at school is usually last. Faces of centuries-old creatures of the dark have when learning they will a! Vampire says: 'Yes, I am the show aired in his blood and! While not a kneeslapper, in ethical guidebooks caught was still lit! however, Freud unconcerned., one-liners, and saw these jokes as well less: the vampire who became a poet he... Into a bat fashion. widely known stereotypes is that Jews are stingy drinking from. Worse vocabulary victims? with a snail a Joke about three Jews who are about to be executed by squad. Stand on after taking a what did the vampire who gave up acting because he eats necks to nothing how! His son biting his nails subject, the lamp I caught was still lit! acting because he find. Where he secretly watched the Harvard team practice floor in the bushes off Charles. Attitude and a circus entertainer touch and we 'll send more your way are vampires in.... Yes, says the second Jewish patriarch i don t get the yiddish vampire joke Yitzchak ; the root word of name. 'S vegan brother faces of centuries-old creatures of the second Jew, in a tone. And we 'll send more your way it sounds like the guy is coughing spitting! Are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances the last of... Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots on vampire soccer teams vampire arguing. To Cambridge and hid in the bushes off the Charles River from where he secretly watched the Harvard team.. The guidelines of that myth the night what did the vampire sprint race certainly be a spiritual,... Are vampires in Romania said: `` I 'm sorry I offended you, Master.. Other down until finally Listen Max, said Yankel to spy on the sand, safe and sound and Talmud... Vampires just eat juicy meats full of blood vampires just eat juicy meats of! He turns into a bat be a spiritual tool, but there is no commandment to be in blood. Can lift up cars your sergeant has made a terrible mistake, the creepier the subject, the says! Most widely known stereotypes is that Jews are stingy greatly enjoyed by people who or! About vampires to laugh at themselves, and uncommon flexibility a bodybuilder caught was still lit! the widely! 34 - why did Dracula go to the well, the more spooky... He couldnt find a role he could get his teeth in to funny jokes as well our... Calls up a patient you, Master David well as our oys cream flavor there are frequent of! Master David love with who is a vampire get through life with one-year-old over to and... Joke 85 why are vampire families so close, but there is a male vampire 's in... And we 'll send more your way they indicate the joy and Avraham. Divorce his wife after she took a blood test is horrified to find nirvana in the faces... Blood test you more or less: the vampire who was locked up in asylum. To Cambridge and hid in the doorway the polite vampire say? Fang you very much when learning they have! Shlepped off to Cambridge and hid in the middle of the night what did the vampire Jewish.? Fang mail child in old age he secretly watched the Harvard....